True submission and love in a Christian marriage
- agapemarriageandfa
- Dec 30, 2025
- 4 min read
Updated: Mar 1
"Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them." - Colossians 3;18-19 - NASB 1995
A few years ago, Lori and I were in a tough spot in our marriage of just over 12 years. We weren't at the point of divorce or seperation, in fact, those things would have never happened. We would have simply decided to endure a marriage with lots of difficulties and problems we could not resolve and just go through the motions and grin and bear it, so to say. Divorce would have never been an option for us. It was about the Christmas season, a few years ago, and we were dealing with some stress, difficulties, found ourselves arguing a lotk and we realized that our marriage needs help. I enroled us in a Weekend to Remember marriage conference, put on by Family Life Ministries. In May of 2024, we attended our first Christian marriage conference as husband and wife barely surviving in our marriage relationship and we returned home as husband and wife committed to finding that oneness that God intended for us to have in marriage.
We reconnected with each other. We began having real, meaningful conversations with each other. Our marriage was thriving like never before. We realized that we were doing marriage wrong and it was time to do it right. We were doing it on our own selfish, fleshly terms and we realized that our marriage needs to be on God's terms. We wanted that oneness in marriage and we realized that oneness came from our submission to the Lord Jesus Christ first.
There are several passages from the New Testament that Lori and I use as our guide in marriage, one is Ephesians 5:22-33. Another is 1st Peter 3:1-7. Today, I am briefly sharing what Paul writes to the Christians in Colossae. In the passage I shared, Colossians 3:18-19, Paul gives husbands and wives two clear instructions. First, he says for the wives to be subject to their husbands, as it is fitting to the Lord. In the Greek text, the word used for submission indicates somone being under the leadership of someone else. If I was to ask Lori how she defines being under submission to me as her husband, she would describe me as her leader, her protector, and the one who assumes responsibility in our marriage.
The idea of a wife being subject to her husband in our modern society, even in Christian churches, is a controversial topic indeed. How many times do you hear phrase, "she wears the pants?" Our society largly views submissive wives as a negative but this is not what our Lord Jesus Christ has in mind. In a Christian marriage design, Christ is the head of the marriage union. The husband is, by God's design, head over the wife and she is to be under subjection to her husband, as both are under subjection to the Lord Jesus Christ. The idea here is not for the husband to rule as a dominator over his wife but to lead and love her gently. Peter says that a husband is to love his wife as the weaker vessel (1st Peter 3:7), meaning he is to love her in a gentle, caring, loving way. A Christian wife will want to be under submission to her husband because she knows this is the will of her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Paul states in verse 19 for the husbands to love their wives and to not be embittered against them. This love is a selfless love. It is a sacrificial love. It is a love of service towards his wife. It is a love that demands he gives to his wife and not expect anything in return. It is a love where the husband puts his wife's needs above his own needs. It is a love where the husband gives up some of his dreams and aspirations for his wife's dreams and aspirations. The husband should love with a gently hand, not a heavy hand. The husband should not speak harshly to his wife but with a gently spirit. The wife should not fear hear husband but should feel protected by her husband.
When Lori and I started applying these things to our marriage, we learned what true oneness in marriage really can be. Our marriage is not perfect and some days are better than others. We do have days whe things go wrong, we have disagreements, but we are more able to deal with the ups and downs in marriage not. We learned, after attending our first marriage conference, that our marriage has to be Christ Centered or it won't thrive and this is what we have been resolved to do. We hope you will be resolved to put Christ as the center of your marriage too.
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Grace to you in the Lord Jesus Christ
Joey
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