What is Christ Centered Marriage?

Through our many years in marriage, Lori and I have realized that there are not a lot of ministries focused on marriage in churches. There are plenty of couples Sunday School classes, and even small groups, but we have seen from our own experience that churches don't spend a lot of time and effort on marriage. In our quest to better our own marriage, Lori and I have also developed a passion to help other Christians grow in their marriage. We are striving to be a source of help to other Christians in their marriage and to teach others what the Bible says about marriage.

Lori and I have been striving to read the Bible together every night and one of the greatest revelations we have discovered, during our nightly reading, has been from Ephesians 5:22-33. We call this our marriage theme. This passage has become a great source of encouragement in our marriage and has helped us grow stronger in our faith as we serve the Lord Jesus Christ in our marriage. I would like to share some insights form Paul's words on marriage to the believers in Ephesus.

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Beginning in verse 19 of chapter 5 of Ephesians, Paul address how Christians should conduct themselves towards each other. In verse 19 he writes they are to speak to one another in psalms and hymns, and spiritual songs. He then adds in verse 20 for Christians to give thanks always in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in verse 21, Paul adds something very striking, "be subject to one another in the fear of Christ." We, as believers in Christ are to humbly submit ourselves to other believers in Christ. No one is to live as though they are superior to another believer in Christ. Christian unity begins by submitting to each other. That unity also extends to marriage.

In verse 22 Paul states that wives are to be subject (submit to) their husbands, just as they would submit to the Christ the Lord. Submitting to a husband in today's society may not seem to appealing but to a wife who is fully dedicated to Jesus Christ, being under submission to her husband is something she gladly does. She knows that her husband is head of the wife, just as Jesus Christ is the head of His church (verse 23), and that she is to submit to her husband in all things (24). For the Christian wife, this is not a burden but a joy to be under submission to her husband because she knows that the husband has a greater role, as Paul states in verses 25-30.

Paul begins in verse 25 by stating that husbands should love their wives like Christ loved the church and gave His life for the church. When I think about Jesus giving His life, yes I think about how He paid the ultimate price by dying on the cross for our sins, but I also thing of how Jesus humbled Himself to the point of serving others. One of the greatest examples of this is when Jesus washes the feet of His disciples (John 13:1-20) and He makes a profound statement, "For I gave you an example that you should also do as I did to you (verse 16)." So, how does this pertain to marriage? For me, as a husband, it reminds me that if I want to love my wife as Christ loved the church, I must be willing to humble myself and serve my wife just as Christ gave us the example of washing the feet of His disciples. For you see, washing the feet of a house guest was something that the servant of the house did. I must not only be willing to give up my life for my wife, but I must also be willing to be willing to perform the most lowly acts of service for her. I must be willing to make sacrifices for her. I must be willing to sacrifice my time, my interest, sacrifice things in life that I love in order to serve her.

Paul then goes on to speak on how that she might be sanctified by Christ through the submission to the headship of her husband and that by doing so Christ might present her to Himself as holy and blameless (verses 26-27). If a husband is truly being led by Christ and is exercising that headship of authority over his wife, as Christ loved the church, she will be in that process of being made holy through the headship of Jesus Christ over their marriage. You see, it is easy for a wife to fully submit to her husband when he is leading and loving her like Christ does His church.

In verses 28-30, Paul gives a comparison of how a husband loves his own body to that of Jesus Christ loving His church (the body of Christ). Most men I know love themselves and many men spend much time making themselves look and feel good. In the same way, husbands should equally love their wives. I add to this that husbands should love their wives much more than they love themselves. When you prioritize your wives needs and wants over your own needs and wants it demonstrates to her your Christ-like love for her.

Paul then reminds the believers in Ephesus that marriage has been God's design from the beginning by quoting Genesis 2:24, where a man shall leave his parents and cleave to his wife and the two shall become one. There is something special about the unity of a husband and a wife in marriage. It is not just a physical unity, but also a spiritual unity. That unity can only exist when Jesus Christ is head over the marriage, the husband loves the wife like Christ loves the Church, and the wife submits to her husband like she submits to the Lord Jesus Christ.

Finally, Paul reminds them again that the husband should love his own wife like he loves himself and that the wife must indeed respect her husband. The unity of a Christlike marriage is built on mutual love and respect. A Christlike marriage is one that Jesus Christ is the head of and God's Word rules supreme. A Christlike marriage is built upon sacrifices and submission. Like Paul says in verse 32, the relationship between a husband and a wife, just like a the relationship of Christ and His church, is indeed a great mystery.

Joey